Published with Blogger-droid v2.0

2 months :(

i guess i have been neglecting my blog. but for so many reasons i have not felt the urge to share my personal life with the world wide web for strangers to read. Mainly because my grandmother passed away July 6th. Today makes 2 months that she has been gone and i can remember that morning like it was yesterday. it pains me to even come to terms with the fact that the woman who helped raised me from the day i was born is no longer here with me. Im completely lost without her. its completely unreal. I often find myself rushing home and busting in her room to tell her i passed a test or to ask her if she seen something on the news only to find an room with all of her belongings in it but no one in there to share the news or ask questions. I try to keep quite and "keep my chin up" like everyone tells me i should do. but seriously i feel like what if i dont want to be strong what if i want to be weak and actually mourn and cry. I often ask myself who am i actually being strong for? Myself or the people surrounding me? Well whoever it is im suppose to be strong for i dont want to be any longer. i know im not suppose to dwell on the fact that my grandmother is no longer here but i just cant fight the fact that i do. I find myself doing some the the strangest things nowadays. Like going into her room to cry or sneaking in her room to borrow her clothes and jewelery. its like im expecting her to come back and everything to go back to normal. i know that this will never happen so i dont understand as to why i act like it is. shit is just so overwhelming i dont know what to do. i honestly dont talk to people about it forreal cause i do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. i do not want to feel like a charity case but really who am i suppose to turn to right now? for the sake of my sanity i do not want to talk to anyone who tells me to turn to god. HONESTLY i feel as if there is no prayer that will help me get through this time. In fact i think the only cure for my sorrow is time. I just wish i knew how much time will go by before i start to feel like myself again. I can honestly say i dont know much of anything right now. :( Although I know my grandmother cannot read or see anything i am writing about but i feel as if she can feel it in my spirit. that I love and miss her dearly. It just helps to actually see my thoughts somewhere i can read it.

SO MUCH SHIT.

There is so much shit that has gone on i really dont know what i wanna blog about now. haha. Oh well basically i feel like this.

Literally

I FINALLY!!!

UPLOADED NEW PICTURES SO I CAN UPDATE MY BLOG. LOL.
I hate updating my blog if i do not have a picture to go along with it.

word.

Dreaming

So my dream last night was bullshit and its really bothering me cause i have no clue as to why i would dream such a dream. Let's just say I dreamed about my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend. but the strange thing is the girl in my dream wasn't even the girl he is dating now. But anyways okay. So in my dream im drunk. (big surprise right?) I left the bar with my friends. And i get everyone to come with me to his house. We all end up in his house. I go upstairs to his room where he and his gf are sleeping and wake him up. I tell him that im drunk and to come downstairs and party with us. lol. (really ridiculous right?) So we are all downstairs chilling and then out of no where is gf starts talking shit. He tells her to shut up cause im crazy but she continues. I beat her ass and apologize while doing so. I leave and call him the next morning to apologize again for my behavior and then. I WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

THIS DREAM WOULD NEVER FUCKING HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.
1. I stopped talking to him once i found out who he was dating.
2. I am not that fucking crazy. I would never do any of this.
3. Why am I dreaming about this shit anyways?

I have been like

i LOVE my President

NOT ONLY IS MY PRESIDENT AMAZING. HE IS FUNNY AS WELL.
THEN SETH MEYERS FINISHED TRUMP OFF IM STILL WEAK. SKIP TO ABOUT 12 MINUTES. HAHAHAHA

My new Obsession

ODD FUTURE WOLF GANG KILL THEM ALL
BETTER KNOWN AS
OFWGKTA
I ♥ THEM

FUCK!

OKAY SO THE KNICKS GOT THEIR ASSES BEAT! LIKE SHIT WASN'T EVEN FUNNY. A STRAIGHT SWEEP SON. HOW THE FUCK YOU GON LOSE 4 GAMES IN A ROW LIKE THAT FELLAS? YES I AM LIVID. MY TEAM COULDN'T EVEN WIN 1 MOTHA FUCKING GAME IN THE PLAYOFFS. THIS DEPRESSES ME. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY. I AM STILL A KNICKS FAN. I DONT GIVE FUCK. TODAY, TOMORROW, NEXT YEAR, IM STILL GONNA BE SAYING GO KNICKS. BUT SINCE MY TEAM IS OUT. THE BULLS BETTER TAKE IT FOR EAST IM JUST FUCKING SAYING. HAHAHA